Living Two Lives at Once

Working as an emergency physician is demanding. The hours are long, the shifts are unpredictable, and the emotional toll can be heavy. But being a father has always been my most important job, even when the pager was buzzing and the ER was full. Trying to balance both hasn’t always been easy, but it’s taught me more about love, sacrifice, and resilience than any medical textbook ever could.

There were days when I walked out of a 12-hour night shift straight into a school play, trying to smile through the exhaustion. And there were nights I kissed my kids goodnight before leaving for the hospital, knowing I wouldn’t see them again until the following afternoon. Parenting while working emergency shifts isn’t traditional or neat—but it’s deeply meaningful. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned along the way, it’s that kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one.

Quality Over Quantity

I’ve come to understand that being there for your kids doesn’t always mean being there 24/7. In emergency medicine, that’s just not possible. My schedule was often upside down. I missed birthday dinners and weekend games. But I made sure that when I was home, I was really there—not just in body, but in spirit.

We didn’t always have long stretches of time together, so I tried to make the time we had count. Whether it was sitting on the back porch talking about school, helping with math homework, or just watching a favorite movie, I wanted my kids to feel heard and seen. I may not have tucked them in every night, but I tried to make the moments we did have matter.

Letting Them See the Work

I never wanted to hide the challenges of my job from my children. Of course, I didn’t bring the gore or trauma home, but I let them know that what I did was hard, and that sometimes I was tired or emotionally drained. I believe that honesty taught them empathy and awareness. They learned that the world can be both beautiful and broken—and that it’s worth stepping into the mess to help others.

I also tried to help them understand that service isn’t just something you talk about—it’s something you do. I hope they’ve seen in my career that being useful, being dependable, and showing up for people matters. Whether it’s in the ER or at home, that’s what resilience looks like.

The Gift of Routine (Even When Mine Wasn’t)

Children thrive on routine. That’s something I’ve always known as a parent, even when my own life didn’t follow much of one. Emergency medicine doesn’t lend itself to predictability. One week you’re working nights, the next you’re back on early mornings. It’s a rotating door of chaos sometimes.

But at home, we tried to build steadiness for the kids. My wife, Amanda, was incredible at holding things together when I couldn’t be there. We kept traditions, however small—Saturday breakfast when I was off, family prayer time, going to church together. Those familiar anchors gave our kids something solid to lean on, even if my schedule was always changing.

The Power of Showing Up

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received as a parent was this: show up when it counts. You don’t have to make every event, but be there for the big ones when you can. I’ve driven to award ceremonies running on fumes, and I’ve FaceTimed in from hospital parking lots. It wasn’t always perfect, but the effort told my kids, “You matter.”

And sometimes, showing up simply meant listening. Letting them vent about a hard day, sitting quietly beside them, or encouraging them after a disappointment. I’ve learned that presence doesn’t have to be loud. Often, it’s just about being available—however and whenever you can.

What My Kids Taught Me

Here’s something I didn’t expect: my kids taught me just as much about resilience as I tried to teach them. They adapted to my schedule. They learned to celebrate moments, not dates. They became independent and grounded in ways I didn’t anticipate. Watching them grow into strong, kind, and capable people has been the most rewarding part of my life.

Now that they’re grown—Grace serving in the Army and Connor working in business—I see clearly how those early years shaped them. They learned how to work hard, how to manage disappointment, and how to hold steady under pressure. Maybe some of that came from what they saw in me, but a lot of it came from who they are.

Faith, Family, and the Long View

Our family has leaned on faith through all the highs and lows. That steady belief in something bigger than ourselves gave us perspective when things were hard. It reminded us that love isn’t measured by hours on a clock but by commitment over time.

Looking back, I wouldn’t say we did everything perfectly. But we stayed connected. We kept showing up for each other. And somehow, that made all the difference.

Balancing emergency medicine with parenting is a challenge, no doubt. But it’s also a gift. It forces you to be intentional—with your time, your words, and your love. It teaches you that resilience isn’t about being unshakable—it’s about being steady, even when the ground is shifting.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: you don’t have to be the perfect parent. You just have to be a faithful one. And when your kids know you’re in their corner—whether you’re at home or in scrubs at the hospital—they grow strong in ways that will surprise you.